How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
