Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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