ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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