Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
