WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
