yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
