I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
