Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
