Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
