roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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