never play flip cup with pint glasses
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
