wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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