babies were throwing up all over the place
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
