Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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