I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
