your parents love me but you hate me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
