So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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