is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
