Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Panties = found
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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