I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
