Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
