WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
