It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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