K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
