Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
