worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
