What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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