If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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