Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
