So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
