i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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