Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
