Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
