beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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