i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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