Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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