Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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