OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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