yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
