i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
