hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
