I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
