If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
