Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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