That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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