Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Someone came in the potted fern
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
