I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
