Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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