I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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