can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
