Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
