Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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