I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
